I just finished watching A Few Good Men again and shed a few tears of agonised joy again. However, while in the throes of my maudlin celebration I was reminded of Tom Cruise jumping on Oprah’s couch and suddenly the levity choked. Be annoyed with Tom Cruise at all times. Check.

A Few Good Men ends with a long shot of the military courtroom and triumph of the American legal system. The courtroom is bathed in a warm glow and the benches gleam as if touched by the effulgence of truth. In that moment, it seems as if we the audience is not only meant to celebrate Tom Cruise’s victory but also the victory of the American legal system. Despite being painted as bad, we cannot ignore the might of the American military either.

Despite the sophistication of America’s superior legal or military system, it is the gleam of the courtroom that makes me envious. Why can’t we portray such a suave victory on celluloid? By suave I don’t mean the cinematography but the narrative which did a damn good job of telling a story and eliciting a strong emotional response from its audience. It is to be noted though that A Few Good Men is a good movie it is not best of the lot. Yet, the best we can do it seems is a film like Shaurya which was “inspired” by the very movie being discussed.

These thoughts are really offshoots from Girish Sahane’s article Here is everything that is wrong with Hindi cinema and why in The Caravan. To understand what ails our cinema do read it.

I have been drifting for too long now. Living the lives of others too intensely to know how to live my own. I can't now start living another person's life all over again. It's time to live my own life. To be selfish about the things I want, to focus on my pain, to learn to heal myself, and to learn to listen to myself.

"I'm not a concept. Too many guys think I'm a concept or I complete them or I'm going to make them alive, but I'm just a fucked up girl who is looking for my own peace of mind. Don't assign me yours."

This time around,

how transcendental will it to break a chronic habit of not valuing oneself enough? i guess it will be much like a slight tectonic movement at the core. something that will bring about momentous changes. look at me - i can't stop dispensing the adjectives in just contemplation of it.

but truth to tell, chronic habits are hard to break, especially if you have spent 30 years nurturing them. it's hard; hurting you at all times. that naysayer within you making it worse. nevertheless, am grateful for this perspective.

though it comes at a certain cost. the possibility of losing a dream thanks to my vague assumptions which didn't take realistic commitments into account. i let all extraneous factors sway me while what mattered the most to me got sidelined. again that chronic habit of not standing up for my needs, desires & ambitions. how good is the greater good if i can't be good to me? if i can't learn to stand up for myself then i should stop with this hypocrisy of fighting for 'what matters'.

gah! angst & more angst,
but, but ...
i am a glorious creation

indians are a fixated or frustrated lot. sexually speaking that is. there can't be no other reason to the constant attention i feel subjected to in my everyday interactions. as if i were walking in my bikini on the roads of bangalore!

72,000 dead in Haiti. I just can't comprehend this! This is not even the final count... people continue to die. some are still trapped under mounds of rubble. some were rescued only to later die slowly from lack of medical care. the aid that is coming through is just not enough or is hijacked by gangs. no basic amenities, no water, no food, no shelter...

at times like these, i can't help but wonder at how cruel life really is. one part of this earth is reeling from a disaster whose magnitude doesn't find any comparisons. but life everywhere else is impervious, untouched. they may be aware, but the pain is not theirs to understand. i guess it is the same of misery anywhere. none but those who suffer know what it is to go through it... Guess, the rest of us can only lend help that may alleviate their suffering somewhat...