someone sometime back asked me what's lah-di-dah and I didn't come up with a convincing answer. though i did have a fair idea and knew that i can't stand any uppity actions or attitudes. lah-di-dah incorporates this sense of superiority which tells the other people here's someone who is like fine wine and therefore should be accorded all things in life that measure to that fine wine. you can see it in the way they walk, talk and also pick their tea cups for a sip.

they think they just deserve things better and superior than others bcoz they 'are' superior. they don't understand in this world nobody gives a fuck shit. you got it, then prove it & earn it. so when in their real world, their lah-di-dah attitudes are met with amusement, they develop certain defense mechanisms and as a result play some interesting games. the more twisted, the better are their games.

it's actually the total lack of reality is what bothers me. it's hard enough to understand what's real. then you come across some fucked-up idiot pretending to be fine wine and all i can think is if tha fine wine's good enough to gargle ma mouth with in the mornin.

milky way, show me the way... remember this ad of Nestle Milky Way bar?

wish i had eaten a lot of those when i was small. may have found my way by now...

possible mentors i can think of:
international head of my company - mr. d... think he is brilliant and grounded. it takes enormous strength of character to remain on earth while really you can let it all get to your head.
strange can't think of anyone else...
i enormously enjoy tough people who have the fucking guts to be who they are and say it as is... then there are the pretenders. some are absolutely brilliant. but it's possible to defeat them at their own game. that's assuming they need to be defeated.

another brush with leering men on bikes. i refuse to take it sitting down anymore. giving as good as i get. scare the fucking bile out of them. helps to have a vehicle that's heavier n bigger than their two wheeler. it however still leaves me angry n shaken

*****
the theory of two becoming one is another tickle my armpit theory. like tearing on oprah is equivalent to catharsis. bull. we live n try to live by our truths, falsetto though it may be to others. it only takes one day at a time.

*****
head feels like a damn bazooka with a stuck shell. will soon implode

the power of facades is hypnotizing and there couldn't be a better example when the COO of my company (a media celeb who gets driven off in black limousines by impeccably clad chauffeurs & gets a half page for his pic alone in NYT) narrated his story. with tools of wry humor & forthright call-a-spade-a-spade talk he mesmerized the audience while the leadership team looked on satisfied. the last q&a round was staged with questions given to a select picture-friendly employees. the audience lapped it up with glee and awe.
another example of a life-slice driven by goals other than work, knowledge and a thirst for the real. and again power & capability driven by looks/material possessions.
and the masses like lil donkeys slavered over what looked like juicy carrots.
this is what is being told to people in this organization or any i think - gear up & get up & get your skodas & scorpios. you will look impressive. you can give private cocktail parties in your humongous backyards. let's barbeque and power talk.
what really bothers me is not the possessions themselves but what they mean. coz what they mean drives the reasons & goals of life/work. when these reasons/goals are skewed, you can bet your ass that it will go the way of glib talk rather than reasoned logic. its not ideas but agendas that win. and it eventually leads to a world full of bullcrap.
look at the new global threat - global warming. today our world is grappling with it not coz there weren't people with foresight. there were. just that these people twisted the foresight to meet their ends. and turned a deaf ear to the voice of reason

insecurity is a strange disease. no matter what one does, it stays snapping at one's heels. it's a constant feeling of not measuring up. it's a constant uneasiness. the desire to please everyone and to do everything perfectly plagues all the time. of course, this is not possible. so one come across as those who don't have a spine. as desperate.

it's easy for those who are more secure to judge such people. their self-worth has defined the boundaries. but insecure people also don't value themselves highly. their boundaries aren't clearly defined. they do things like most people with an inability to see life or themselves through a perception they don't own. they don't do something with a pre-mediated 'let's see how i end up looking if i do this...'. they just do it. you see their platform is different. that's how they live.

of course, to be aware of a platform that has no value in this world is different. one decides to either change or continue with their powerless lives. it's their call.

Do you know the warm progress under the stars?
Do you know we exist?
Have you forgotten the keys to the Kingdom?
Have you been borne yet & are you alive?
Let's reinvent the gods, all the myths of the ages
Celebrate symbols from deep elder forests
[Have you forgotten the lessons of the ancient war]
We need great golden copulations
The fathers are cackling in trees of the forest
Our mother is dead in the sea
Do you know we are being led to slaughters by placid admirals
& that fat slow generals are getting obscene on young blood
Do you know we are ruled by T.V.
The moon is a dry blood beast
Guerilla bands are rolling numbers in the next block of green vine
Amassing for warfare on innocent herdsmen who are just dying
O great creator of being grant us one more hour to perform our art & perfect our lives
The moths & atheists are doubly divine & dying
We live, we die & death not ends it
Journey we more into the Nightmare
Cling to life our passion'd flower
Cling to cunts & cocks of despair
We got our final vision by clap
Columbus' groin got filled w/ green death
(I touched her thigh & death smiled)
We have assembled inside this ancient & insane theatre
To propagate our lust for life & flee the swarming wisdom of the streets
The barns are stormed
The windows kept & only one of all the rest
To dance & save us
W/ the divine mockery of words
Music inflames temperament
(When the true King's murderers are allowed to roam free a 1000 magicians arise in the land)
Where are the feasts
We were promised
Where is the wine
The New Wine
(dying on the vine)