Am not particularly inclined to promote any major network's TV series or docu series in this case, but HBO's The Addiction Project is worth checking out. I think its a fantastic effort to collate necessary data at one spot and give people a good insight into addiction. The docus are all available online and if you have a broadband connection, the streaming is largely uninterrupted.

HBO's The Addiction Project main page
The Addiction Project Films

the end of fairy tales
-from Time, May 21 2007 edition

this is a classic case of 'if you can't beat them then join them.'So how does the right wing rope in the left? endorse their views & commodify them. satires shouldn't become formulae. they need to stand on a distinct voice of reason and combine humor to take on the institutions/persons they wish to criticize. instead the sudden splurge of satires & parodies seem to be filling up the coffers of already very rich producers. we have the breaking of cliche becoming a cliche itself.

but is it possible to sustain a world that has distinct voices? that's a question purely from the economics POV. a romantic would say of course. a realist could say - why not. and really why not? it is already a world of distinct voices. except for the greater comfort or good or whatever people like to stupefy themselves with, distinct voices give way to dominant ones.

we need more of alexander pope, south park, aristophanes to defy the increasingly idiotizing world.

spent a relaxing weekend a few weeks ago in bear mountain resort, masinaguddi. had a super time. the wilderness does that to me. some day am gonna pack up, leave everything behind and lead a life of seclusion. lol...

which reminds me of philip roth's slow burning novel the human stain and its comment on sexual seclusion. struck me as really a comment on life...

"I want to make clear that it wasn't impotence that led me into a reclusive existence. To the contrary. I'd already been living and writing for some eighteen months in my two-room cabin up here in the Berkshires when, following a routine physical exam, I received a preliminary diagnosis of prostate cancer and, a month later, after the follow-up tests, went to Boston for the prostatectomy. My point is that by moving here I had altered deliberately my relationship to the sexual caterwaul, and not because the exhortations or, for that matter, my erections had been effectively weakened by time, but because I couldn't meet the costs of its clamoring anymore, could no longer marshal the wit, the strength, the patience, the illusion, the irony, the ardor, the egoism, the resilience—or the toughness, or the shrewdness, or the falseness, the dissembling, the dual being, the erotic professionalism—to deal with its array of misleading and contradictory meanings. As a result, I was able to lessen a little my postoperative shock at the prospect of permanent impotence by remembering that all the surgery had done was to make me hold to a renunciation to which I had already voluntarily submitted. The operation did no more than to enforce with finality a decision I'd come to on my own, under the pressure of a lifelong experience of entanglements but in a time of full, vigorous, and restless potency, when the venturesome masculine mania to repeat the act—repeat it and repeat it and repeat it—remained undeterred by physiological problems."

you don't need to be true to yourself to be successful. all you need to be is an ass-kissing, bullshitting smartass. you'll get there. oh also yeah pretend that nobody can see through your games. smile in reply to smirks. force yourself on people who don't give a rat's ass for your charm. it's a great life. when you become famous everyone will forget the royal pain in the ass you were except your manager. he or she never cared to remember. you were good at bullshitting.

foresee a great year for humor.

first achievement - smeared a lil black dot on the staged Q&A. happy me.

it's surprising how something so enormous as quitting could be the theme of one's life and one could still be very oblivious to it. but it is possible. our lives are not grand and so are all those things we quit. but then when it becomes chronic you know it's time to sit up and examine.

quitting is primarily due to the lack of a belief. that something one has set their minds on will work. but then the human race is filled with stories of people who have stuck through the rough times and come out winning. yet why does one give up so easily? or wants to give up? and how many times has one looked back and regret those quittings. 'if only i had roughed out that terrible phase, i would have been happier...'

the truth is quitters give up easily coz they lack belief in themselves. that they can deal with it. perhaps their life patterns has been such that they were given up on easily or they just weren't reinforced enough or weren't given the assurance of who they were as kids or who knows... the excuses can run into zillions.

truth is we can. that's why the human race is so amazing. that is why we are capable of miracles. we can take the pain of being unsure, insecure and down right infra-digs and still come out fine. even winning.

someone sometime back asked me what's lah-di-dah and I didn't come up with a convincing answer. though i did have a fair idea and knew that i can't stand any uppity actions or attitudes. lah-di-dah incorporates this sense of superiority which tells the other people here's someone who is like fine wine and therefore should be accorded all things in life that measure to that fine wine. you can see it in the way they walk, talk and also pick their tea cups for a sip.

they think they just deserve things better and superior than others bcoz they 'are' superior. they don't understand in this world nobody gives a fuck shit. you got it, then prove it & earn it. so when in their real world, their lah-di-dah attitudes are met with amusement, they develop certain defense mechanisms and as a result play some interesting games. the more twisted, the better are their games.

it's actually the total lack of reality is what bothers me. it's hard enough to understand what's real. then you come across some fucked-up idiot pretending to be fine wine and all i can think is if tha fine wine's good enough to gargle ma mouth with in the mornin.

milky way, show me the way... remember this ad of Nestle Milky Way bar?

wish i had eaten a lot of those when i was small. may have found my way by now...

possible mentors i can think of:
international head of my company - mr. d... think he is brilliant and grounded. it takes enormous strength of character to remain on earth while really you can let it all get to your head.
strange can't think of anyone else...
i enormously enjoy tough people who have the fucking guts to be who they are and say it as is... then there are the pretenders. some are absolutely brilliant. but it's possible to defeat them at their own game. that's assuming they need to be defeated.

another brush with leering men on bikes. i refuse to take it sitting down anymore. giving as good as i get. scare the fucking bile out of them. helps to have a vehicle that's heavier n bigger than their two wheeler. it however still leaves me angry n shaken

*****
the theory of two becoming one is another tickle my armpit theory. like tearing on oprah is equivalent to catharsis. bull. we live n try to live by our truths, falsetto though it may be to others. it only takes one day at a time.

*****
head feels like a damn bazooka with a stuck shell. will soon implode

the power of facades is hypnotizing and there couldn't be a better example when the COO of my company (a media celeb who gets driven off in black limousines by impeccably clad chauffeurs & gets a half page for his pic alone in NYT) narrated his story. with tools of wry humor & forthright call-a-spade-a-spade talk he mesmerized the audience while the leadership team looked on satisfied. the last q&a round was staged with questions given to a select picture-friendly employees. the audience lapped it up with glee and awe.
another example of a life-slice driven by goals other than work, knowledge and a thirst for the real. and again power & capability driven by looks/material possessions.
and the masses like lil donkeys slavered over what looked like juicy carrots.
this is what is being told to people in this organization or any i think - gear up & get up & get your skodas & scorpios. you will look impressive. you can give private cocktail parties in your humongous backyards. let's barbeque and power talk.
what really bothers me is not the possessions themselves but what they mean. coz what they mean drives the reasons & goals of life/work. when these reasons/goals are skewed, you can bet your ass that it will go the way of glib talk rather than reasoned logic. its not ideas but agendas that win. and it eventually leads to a world full of bullcrap.
look at the new global threat - global warming. today our world is grappling with it not coz there weren't people with foresight. there were. just that these people twisted the foresight to meet their ends. and turned a deaf ear to the voice of reason

insecurity is a strange disease. no matter what one does, it stays snapping at one's heels. it's a constant feeling of not measuring up. it's a constant uneasiness. the desire to please everyone and to do everything perfectly plagues all the time. of course, this is not possible. so one come across as those who don't have a spine. as desperate.

it's easy for those who are more secure to judge such people. their self-worth has defined the boundaries. but insecure people also don't value themselves highly. their boundaries aren't clearly defined. they do things like most people with an inability to see life or themselves through a perception they don't own. they don't do something with a pre-mediated 'let's see how i end up looking if i do this...'. they just do it. you see their platform is different. that's how they live.

of course, to be aware of a platform that has no value in this world is different. one decides to either change or continue with their powerless lives. it's their call.

Do you know the warm progress under the stars?
Do you know we exist?
Have you forgotten the keys to the Kingdom?
Have you been borne yet & are you alive?
Let's reinvent the gods, all the myths of the ages
Celebrate symbols from deep elder forests
[Have you forgotten the lessons of the ancient war]
We need great golden copulations
The fathers are cackling in trees of the forest
Our mother is dead in the sea
Do you know we are being led to slaughters by placid admirals
& that fat slow generals are getting obscene on young blood
Do you know we are ruled by T.V.
The moon is a dry blood beast
Guerilla bands are rolling numbers in the next block of green vine
Amassing for warfare on innocent herdsmen who are just dying
O great creator of being grant us one more hour to perform our art & perfect our lives
The moths & atheists are doubly divine & dying
We live, we die & death not ends it
Journey we more into the Nightmare
Cling to life our passion'd flower
Cling to cunts & cocks of despair
We got our final vision by clap
Columbus' groin got filled w/ green death
(I touched her thigh & death smiled)
We have assembled inside this ancient & insane theatre
To propagate our lust for life & flee the swarming wisdom of the streets
The barns are stormed
The windows kept & only one of all the rest
To dance & save us
W/ the divine mockery of words
Music inflames temperament
(When the true King's murderers are allowed to roam free a 1000 magicians arise in the land)
Where are the feasts
We were promised
Where is the wine
The New Wine
(dying on the vine)